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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28356945">Desert Sun</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistics/pseuds/mistics'>mistics</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unconditional Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tales of Vesperia</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Addressing Estelle's Guilt Complex, Character Study, F/F, Femslash, Friendship/Love</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:41:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,713</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28356945</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/mistics/pseuds/mistics</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It was strange—Estelle felt frozen in place, as though the flow of blood in her body had inexplicably stopped, and in its place swelled a tide of chilling emotion. Yet every word out of Rita’s mouth hit like a ray of the desert sun: hot, piercing, and almost unbearably intimate.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Estellise Sidos Heurassein/Rita Mordio</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Unconditional Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2038830</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Desert Sun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set during the first trek into the Sands of Kogorh, on the search for Phaeroh.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Why do you apologise so much?”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry?” Estelle said at once, and winced, half a beat later, at her clumsiness.</p>
<p>“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Rita said rather accusingly. “You’re always saying ‘sorry’ for things which are totally out of your control. What’s up with that? I mean, if some idiot tripped over his own feet in front of you, you’d apologise on behalf of his shoddy shoes!”</p>
<p>She had shot up from the spot of shade they’d been resting in, her hands on her hips, the tap-tap-tapping of her foot moving in direct counter-rhythm to the sudden pitter-patter of Estelle’s heartbeat. At present, the two of them were sheltered beneath a small crag, right in the heart of the Desier desert. It had only been a few days since they’d departed Mantaic. Yet after traipsing across miles upon miles of neverending wasteland, a nimiety of dunes, mesas, monsters and cacti as far as the eye could see, civilisation was fast becoming a foreign concept.</p>
<p>The catastrophic climate hadn’t helped in the slightest. Harsh and unrelenting, the sun’s rays were almost oppressive in their potency, bestowing everything in their radius with a deadly, blistering heat that reached even to the sands below; why, just half an hour ago, Karol had collapsed face-first into the fiery caress of the Kogorh, thoroughly exhausted, and they’d had to make this pit stop as a concession to the weather.</p>
<p>As though in reaction to her musings, a bead of brackish, burning sweat slithered down her nose, and she wiped at it, absent-minded as she considered her response.</p>
<p>Around them, the desert was quiet save for the distant cries of the firebirds above. The others had wisely steered clear of the budding debate—well acquainted with their mage’s temper, by this point—and had begun trudging on, grimly, towards a promising north-facing outcrop, more than eager to escape the hellish, hazy heat.</p>
<p>After a minute of careful deliberation, Estelle turned to face her prickly friend properly, a polite—if slightly strained—smile plastered on her face. Good manners dictate that one must give one’s complete and undivided attention to one’s addressee, and whilst she could be found wanting in regards to a number of her royal duties, etiquette could not be counted amongst them.</p>
<p>“I appreciate your concern, Rita. To be perfectly honest, it’s just how I’ve been raised.”</p>
<p>Said girl scoffed. “What, to feel responsible for everything and everyone around you?”</p>
<p>“It’s not like that, exactly,” Estelle demurred. “I just want to be as useful as I can be… to do what I can to help others.” She’d aimed for appeasement, but it was clear from Rita’s expression that she hadn’t quite got there, tone-wise.</p>
<p>(Was she really so easy to read?)</p>
<p>“I don’t get that, though.” Rita’s frown deepened, a large furrow growing in her brow, and Estelle had to suppress the urge to smooth it. “Other people’s problems are <i>their</i> problems. It’s not your fault if they screw up.”</p>
<p>“I--I know that.”</p>
<p>“Then why do you always look so guilty?”</p>
<p>“I…”</p>
<p>It was something she’d been pondering ever since Master Drake had rebuked her in Nordopolica. <i>The problem is in your own actions,</i> he’d said, coldly critical, his disapproval coursing through her like a sobering rush of reality, and predictably, remorse had come flooding back to her, starker for its absence. The burdens of obligation—both external and self-imposed—had ruled Estelle for as long as she could remember. She’d always considered these burdens as an innate part of herself; anyone would be conscientious given her position in society, surely. It was only after she’d met her current companions that this way of thinking had begun to unravel, and she’d truly started to examine the reason behind her thought patterns. Why exactly <i>did</i> she feel this way? And was it really the right way to feel?</p>
<p>Estelle closed her eyes, breathing evenly, before opening them on a light exhale. This time, her voice was steady as she recited her conclusion. “I know it may seem illogical. But all my life, this is what I’ve been told. ‘You were born with a duty: to rule and to serve. Always remember that your life belongs not to yourself but to your people.’ I heard this idea so many times, growing up, that it kind of stuck with me. After all, I was born with healing powers for a reason, right? It’s in my nature to help other people. That’s why I try to take responsibility for them. …I think.”</p>
<p>Rita listened attentively for the full duration of the speech, although her mouth twitched, at points, like she was biting back a retort. She stewed over this revelation for a time, an air of distinct dissatisfaction about her, and all the while, she watched Estelle with a look of intense concentration on her face, as though Estelle were a difficult equation that needed solving.</p>
<p>The continuous eye contact was becoming rather taxing; instead, the princess turned towards the rising voices in the distance, where the others had stopped in their tracks. They appeared to be arguing, emphatically, over how to advance onwards, with Yuri caught in a three-way tug of war between Karol, Patty and Raven, and the language being thrown around was a good deal stronger than the usual. Clearly, the heat had gotten to everyone.</p>
<p>Well… they weren’t going anywhere anytime soon.</p>
<p>Ominously, Rita had begun muttering to herself, and Estelle fumbled for something to say; her hard-won coherence seemed to have evaporated into the desert air. Gingerly, she sat back down and stared at the looming crag above them. The shape of their shade was shifting with the sun as it travelled west across the sky, and soon, they would need to start moving again.</p>
<p>“Rita,” she managed, “please don’t worry about it.” But her voice sounded feeble to her own ears.</p>
<p>“How can I not?” Rita moved to sit cross-legged beside her. “It sounds like this has been bothering you for a while.”</p>
<p>“That’s not-- I, umm--”</p>
<p>“Don’t deny it,” Rita said sharply. “Even the brat’s noticed you’ve been acting weird, and that’s saying something, you know. He has the emotional sensitivity of a carrot.”</p>
<p>Estelle fiddled with her dress, chastened. “You’re right. I’ve just been thinking a lot, lately, about what I should or shouldn’t be doing.”</p>
<p>“And? Forget about what you ‘should’ do for a moment. What do you <i>want</i> to do with your life, huh?”</p>
<p>“Well… I’m still not sure, to be honest,” she admitted. “Everything’s all muddled up.”</p>
<p>“You seemed pretty sure back in Mantaic,” Rita said, pressing. “I mean, you were practically ready to march into the desert all by yourself.”</p>
<p>She flushed guiltily at the reminder. “I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>“Oh, stop that already! I--<i>we</i> came here because we wanted to, and that’s that.”</p>
<p>There was a rare note of sincerity in Rita’s voice, and Estelle savoured it, briefly, thankful for her friend’s reassurance. But whatever their reasons for accompanying her, it didn’t change the fact that she was the one who’d dragged everyone out here, to this torrid, barren land, all in pursuit of her foolish quest. The knowledge of her selfishness gnawed at her, simmering with an intensity that surpassed the sweltering heat.</p>
<p>Still, regardless of any misgivings, Rita deserved her honest response. Estelle looked her friend in the eye and tried her best to sound convincing. “What I want with my life… I suppose, right now, there are three things I know I want to do. One, address the corruption in the Empire. Two, explore the world with Brave Vesperia. And three… talk to Phaeroh.”</p>
<p>Rita tilted her head. “Tell me something. Why are you so desperate to meet Phaeroh?”</p>
<p>Why indeed—it was a question she’d been asking Estelle, albeit nonverbally, since the moment they’d set foot on Desier. The combination of Rita’s constant scrutiny, horrendous weather and her own implacable doubts wound tighter and tighter within her, stifling, like a thread of tangible dread coiled around her throat, and it took her longer than necessary to collect her thoughts. Estelle made an effort to calm herself, swallowing.</p>
<p>“I came to this place for answers,” she said, gazing at the sea of sand that surrounded them. “Ever since I left the castle, it’s been one question after another. I’ve learnt a lot, certainly, and I love travelling with you, but there’s still so much I don’t understand about this world and my place in it.”</p>
<p>When she glanced up, Rita was watching her intently, mouth ever so slightly parted, and Estelle lost her thread for one flustered second. She cleared her throat. “Umm, that is, Phaeroh’s been my first real clue. He… he said I was ‘an insipid poison’ to this world. He must have meant something specific by that.”</p>
<p>At this, the mage bristled. “Oh come on, don’t buy into that crap. He was trying to kill you!”</p>
<p>“But what if he’s right?”</p>
<p>“What are you even saying?”</p>
<p>“I need to talk to him,” Estelle insisted. “I need to know why he has a problem with my existence, and he’ll have the answers to my questions, I’m sure of it.”</p>
<p>“And what if Phaeroh’s not interested in talking, huh?” Rita retorted, voice steadily rising as she jumped to her feet in protest. “What if he just attacks you like last time?”</p>
<p>“Then I’m sure it’s for good reason.”</p>
<p>“Damn it, Estellise!”</p>
<p>Rita began to pace back and forth at a frightful tempo, looking about ready to murder someone. A familiar pang of guilt prodded at Estelle’s gut, violently announcing itself, and she tried her best to smother it lest it add to her friend’s distress.</p>
<p>Rita hadn’t called her by her full name since Heliord. Awkward from disuse, it settled in the air between them like a stranger’s.</p>
<p>Abruptly, Rita came to a stop. She latched onto Estelle’s wrist, her grip so tight it was almost painful.</p>
<p>“You know that saying, that ignorance is bliss?”</p>
<p>Estelle nodded cautiously; the motion felt strangely stiff.</p>
<p>“There’s some truth to it, you know.”</p>
<p>“What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“It’s just… the answers you want aren’t always the answers you’re gonna get.” She was addressing Estelle, but her mind almost seemed elsewhere, a strange pain glazing her eyes. “It’s a shitty world out there, full of people who want to use you for their own agendas, and I don’t want you to get hurt by them. Sometimes…” She pursed her lips. “Sometimes it’s better, not knowing.”</p>
<p>“That’s unexpected coming from you.”</p>
<p>Rita huffed, her hold loosening a bit. “I’ve never been good at the soul-searching stuff. I don’t know about you, but I find it easier to ignore all that nonsense.”</p>
<p>“Ignore it… I see.” Estelle sighed. “I don’t think that’s possible for me.” Making an effort to straighten her posture, she asked, “How would you go about solving a problem like this?”</p>
<p>“Hmm…” Rita chewed her lip, pensive. “I’d try to look at it from another angle. If you don’t understand something, you just have to force it to make sense. You know, change the order around. Reformulate it. Put it in a new context.”</p>
<p>That was a Rita-like approach, alright. Estelle wished she had her friend’s force of personality sometimes; she had an inkling she couldn’t maintain such an objective mindset. Still—</p>
<p>“I’ll try it out. Thank you, Rita.” She warmly regarded the now-reddening mage. “I’m lucky to have such a caring friend.” By this point, her arm was starting to feel a bit numb, and she shifted in Rita’s hold slightly. “Oh, umm…”</p>
<p>Rita sputtered, dropping Estelle’s wrist as if she were burnt. Her cheeks had gone a hot pink, and she looked down for a moment, silent. “You’re my first friend, Estelle. Of course I c-c-care about you.”</p>
<p>The confession sent a spike of joy, overwhelming in its intensity, spiralling through her, and her lips curled up into a delighted, helpless smile. Rita so rarely acted her age. Any glimpse of vulnerability was a sight to be kept and treasured, in Estelle’s book. Sometimes, when Rita’s genius shone so brightly, her words and actions bold and self-assured to a fault, it seemed like nothing could faze her. It was easy to forget that she’d also had a sheltered childhood, devoid of meaningful relationships or people.</p>
<p>Estelle exhaled, feeling lighter than she had in a while. “To tell the truth, you’re the first person who’s asked me about what I want,” she said, still smiling softly. “Thank you. I feel a lot better after talking with you.”</p>
<p>“W-well, that’s good,” Rita stammered, her face running through a gamut of expressions before settling on dubious haughtiness. “All I told you was to stop being an idiot.”</p>
<p>“Right.” She attempted to refocus. “I am who I am, and worrying about it won’t do me any good. There are some things I just have to accept. Guilt is one of them.”</p>
<p>For some reason, Rita tensed at this, her shoulders hunching.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>“It shouldn’t have to be this way,” she said, frustration evident in her clipped tone, the rigid lines of her body.</p>
<p>Estelle blinked in incomprehension. “Huh?”</p>
<p>“It’s just… I hate this idea of fate, of you living a life you’ve been forced into.” She clenched her fists. “You deserve better than that.”</p>
<p>“It’s okay. I’ve made my peace with it.”</p>
<p>“Well I haven’t!”</p>
<p>“Rita?”</p>
<p>Her eyes flickered sideways for an instant, uncharacteristically hesitant, before they met Estelle’s in a flash of defiance.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have to feel sorry for your <i>existence</i>.”</p>
<p>Brimming with righteous indignation, Rita pushed into her personal space, forcing her to shuffle backwards until she was pressed against the sandstone behind them, stunned.</p>
<p>“Serving the people, becoming the Empress, dealing with Phaeroh… Aer above, who cares about any of that? I just want you to be safe and happy, Estelle! For you to live a normal life!”</p>
<p>It was strange—Estelle felt frozen in place, as though the flow of blood in her body had inexplicably stopped, and in its place swelled a tide of chilling emotion. Yet every word out of Rita’s mouth hit like a ray of the desert sun: hot, piercing, and almost unbearably intimate.</p>
<p>Rendered speechless, she could only stare in awe as Rita trailed off awkwardly, coming back to herself.</p>
<p>“A-anyway… y-yeah. What <i>I</i> want is for you to stop sacrificing yourself so much, stop trying to take responsibility for everything, and definitely—<i>definitely</i>—stop apologising for just being alive!”</p>
<p>She really had no idea the pull her words had on Estelle, did she?</p>
<p>“Wh-what. Why are you looking at me like that?”</p>
<p>Rita had backed off, self-conscious, her hands crossed defensively over her chest. It seemed reflexive, the way her fingers drummed out a restless rhythm against her skin, the zippy, staccato beat set, presumably, to the whirring of the cogs in her brain. She was always moving, never quite content to accept the status quo, and the trajectory of her hands mirrored this. Whether it was drawing patterns in the air to keep her spellcasting cadence, boldly gesturing along in a verbal beatdown, or flicking past the pages of aeons-old research, Rita was never motionless, and her hands were what communicated her primary output of nervous, manic energy.</p>
<p>Estelle couldn’t seem to tear her eyes away from this brilliant, precious girl; the heartfelt affection, the <i>care</i> that Rita had shared with her was so intoxicating, so heady, that it surged like sunlight through her veins.</p>
<p>“Rita,” she finally said, her voice tight with an indescribable sentiment, “Oh Rita, thank you, truly. It makes me so happy to hear you say that.”</p>
<p>“Estelle, I…”</p>
<p>But whatever she was going to say was lost to the approach of footsteps.</p>
<p>“Hey, you two!”</p>
<p>Yuri had come back for them. Oblivious or perhaps uncaring of the charged air between the girls, he spoke urgently. “There’s a lake up ahead, everyone else’s already resting there. Come on!”</p>
<p>“You’re interrupting, you--wait, a lake? …water?!” Rita jumped to action at once, sprinting forwards as though the Dragon Rider himself were right in front of her.</p>
<p>Estelle bowed her head, her mind still reeling. “I…see. I’ll be with you in a moment.”</p>
<p>She had a lot to think about.</p>
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